I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize