How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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