Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
tequila makes me forget i have legs
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
