Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
