yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
ttyl tear gas
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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