but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think I am morally bankrupt
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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