Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
