How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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