I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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