I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
