I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
