Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
