She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
