I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
