you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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