What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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