So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
