i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
