I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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