i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
