a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i love accidental penises.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
