I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
