I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
