He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
