If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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