I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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