I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize