His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
