you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
