Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
