I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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