I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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