I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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