I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
