i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
