the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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