I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
