I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
