Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me they were just razor bumps!
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
