looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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