When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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