if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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