I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
