i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
