So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
MIDGETS
????
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
