I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
