I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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