i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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