it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
