Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
