Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
