yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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