3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
