Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
