I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
