lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
