I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
