My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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