At least make sure they are 18
Why
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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