i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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