Its about making memories worth repressing
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
