I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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