do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
