Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
