I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
