I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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