walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
