One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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