i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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